


One and the Same

by whynot



Series: Kellogg and Nate [4]
Category: Fallout 4
Genre: Light Angst, Original Character(s), abuse mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-29
Updated: 2017-11-29
Packaged: 2019-02-06 18:32:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12823557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whynot/pseuds/whynot





	One and the Same

Nate found Bishop in Cappy's Treehouse, overlooking everything from the far railing. A cigarette was pinched between his fingers, seeming forgotten as he stared at the view. He looked over his shoulder when he heard the lift jolt to a stop at the platform.

"Hey," Bishop greeted, surprise hinting in his tone. 

"Thought I'd be Gage?" Nate questioned, wandering closer. "Disappointed?"

"Relieved," Bishop confessed. "As shitty as it sounds. But he'd just get frustrated, and I don't like makin' 'im upset. I know that makes me sound like a fuckin' pussy, but."

"Nah. I'm the same way. I fuckin' hate when people are mad at me."

Bishop lifted his head as Nate leaned against the railing beside him. "Me too."

Nate folded his arms over his chest. "What's goin' on, man. S'wrong?"

Bishop wrung his hands, his head bowing again. "... Runner said that Gage ain't nothin' but my boss."

"And you know that's not true. Right?"

"I dunno." He paused. "I mean, what else could we be? He's my boss, and he fucks me. I don't even call 'im by his name."

"I rarely call Kellogg by his first name, either. And I'm _his_ boss. You sayin' we can't be more than that?"

He shook his head.

"Runner was a professional at fucking with your head. I know exactly how that is and how it feels."

"How do I ignore it?"

He huffed out a laugh. "I wish I knew. Hell, it's been over 200 years since I last saw my boss and he still messes with my head." He stared at Bishop for a moment, knew there was something else bothering him. "Did he say anything to you? Runner."

Bishop swallowed. "... Right before he kicked it, he told me... told me he was proud of me. And it makes me feel fuckin' disgusting, but I was..."

"Happy," Nate finished. He knew exactly how Bishop felt. Navarra was scum, he was merciless and sleazy, but any time he praised Nate or told him that he was happy with what Nate had done, it made him feel lighter, made him feel like he was on top of the fucking world. 

"I feel so... fucked up," Bishop admitted.

"Then you and me can be fucked up together, 'cause I'm the same way." He hesitated, then lifted a hand to grip the back of Bishop's neck. The man visibly relaxed, eyes fluttering closed. Nate gave a comforting squeeze. "S'okay, though. 'Cause you got Gage to help you through this, just like I got Kellogg. How we feel ain't gonna last forever. I promise. It's gonna take time, but I fuckin' promise you. The monsters in our lives are gone now. We ain't gotta worry about them outside of nightmares. And even then, we got our guys to be there when we wake up." He gave Bishop's neck another squeeze. "Don't let Runner ruin what you got with Gage."

Bishop nodded, paused. "... Y'know, I thought fucking Runner up like I did would make me feel better. But I just feel..."

"Empty."

He nodded again.

"Yeah. Revenge ain't as fulfilling as people say it is."

A longer pause, then Bishop asked, "Does Kellogg make you feel better?"

"Without a doubt." And he meant it. Kellogg was a strong, solid presence in his life, kept Nate grounded, knew how to handle him. "Does Gage do the same to you?"

"... Yeah. Yeah, he does."

"And whatever Runner said to you doesn't change that. Doesn't change things between you two. All right?"

Bishop smiled gently. "Yeah. All right."

Nate didn't know if Bishop was aware of it, but every single emotion that the ex-Fiend felt always reflected in those dark eyes of his. And right now, reluctance was clouding that ever-present glint of mischief. "Do we need to talk about anything else?"

Bishop turned his gaze to the view. "... He wasn't _all_ bad. Runner."

Aaaaand, that was one of the reasons Nate wanted to be the one to talk to him. Right now, Gage would probably be hissing and spitting, telling Bishop that Runner was scum and that Runner had brainwashed him. He'd get angry and frustrated that Bishop apparently didn't see that. 

Nate waited until Bishop looked at him. "No one's ever completely evil or good, Kay. Everyone's on a spectrum. For example, my boss ruined more lives than I could count, but he had a family that he'd do anything for, loved with every thread of his being, had daughters that adored him. He took care of his people, gave them gifts just 'cause he wanted to. Fuck, he treated me like his son. But I think it comes down to scales. The horrible shit that Navarra did outweighed the good by a long shot, were too heavy to let the good stuff redeem what he did. Same goes for Runner. It's okay to see the little bit of good that he had, but you can't let yourself forget who he was at his core."

Bishop relaxed, and Nate finally let go of his neck. "... Thanks. For talkin' to me."

"Any time. I mean it." He stepped back when Bishop did, and welcomed the hug that the guy leaned down to give him. And for a moment, Nate let himself pretend it was Luxe, moving a hand up Bishop's neck to cup the back of his head.

When Bishop pulled back he was smiling, had that mischief back in his eyes. "Let's go find somethin' to do, huh? Get outta this mopey mood."

"I'm right with ya, man." He joined Bishop on the lift. "We might be fucked up and broken, but at least we're fun."

 

 

Three hours later, they were dancing on the bar counter at Gage's bar, shirtless and grinning.

"C'mon, baby boy, that ain't all you got!" Nate teased, and Bishop doubled over with a laugh. 

"I'll have ya know that I took dancin' lessons from some very high class whores."

"Well, I _was_ a high class whore."

Bishop laughed again, and the song they were dancing to faded out. They both jumped down from the bar. "I, uh," Bishop mumbled, sobering up. "I think I'm gonna go talk to Gage now."

Nate gave him a smile. "Good. Remember what I told you, yeah?"

Bishop smiled back. "Yeah. Thanks, man."

 

* * *

 

_“I don’t wanna die," Seb rasped._

_Nate’s expression twisted, tears pricking his eyes. “Don’t fuckin’ do that. Don’t…”_

_“Nate—“_

_He lifted his arm, quickly aimed and pulled the trigger._

Nate shot up with a gasp, cold air stinging his throat. He fucking hated that dream, fucking hated it. He hadn't had it since that night at the Dugout, before they went after Claudette.

"Hey."

Nate relaxed as Kellogg's hand soothed up his spine. He reached behind him and grabbed Kellogg's wrist to tug it. Kellogg obeyed, shifting closer on their bed until his legs were caging Nate and his chest was to the Director's back. Kellogg raked his fingers through Nate's hair before gripping the strands. "What am I, Conrad?" Nate asked him, hoping he understood what he meant.

Kellogg was silent for a long moment before he answered, "An asshole with a decent heart."

Nate turned around and pushed Kellogg down onto his back so he could lay on top of him. "I'll take it."

"Were you hopin' for a different answer?"

"Something along the lines of 'completely amazing', 'extremely handsome', 'insanely loyal'. But your answer was good, too."

Kellogg snorted a laugh, but he sobered up quickly. "... You ain't as bad as you think you are."

Leave it to Kellogg to see passed Nate's defense. "You didn't know me before the War."

"And you didn't know me before I joined the Institute. I told you about the things I've done, but you don't go judgin' me for that shit. Do you?"

He shook his head.

"We ain't the people we used to be. They don't matter anymore."

"The people we were aren't just gone, Connie. I still got a little bit of that man in me, that's for fuckin' sure. You saw him when I killed Claudette, when I destroyed the Railroad after they helped me, after I made them think I was on their side."

"S'why I said 'asshole' with a decent heart."

Kellogg made it seem so... little. Like it wasn't important. Nate appreciated it, needed it. He couldn't let his worries consume him. "I want my good deeds to outweigh the bad."

"They already do. Now go to sleep."

Nate smirked. "You really wanna doze off again? 'Cause I got somethin' else in mind."

With that, Kellogg rolled him off to press him into the mattress, and Nate laughed.


End file.
